an exercise in denial

Posted in Uncategorized on February 13, 2010 by sarafist

Another TV was stolen about two weeks ago, while I was out of town. A Russian dude was in the back building (big no-no!) for a couple of days, and after he checked out, the flatscreen TV was missing. Gee, where DID it go? They checked the cameras, and sure enough, there’s footage of the guy carrying the TV out of his room and putting it in his Mercedes.

So my boss calls the guy, who gets all flustered and denies anyone taking the TV. When advised that we have footage of it being put in HIS car and will go to the police, he says he’ll look into the matter.

The next day, someone dropped off the TV–our name and phone number conveniently scratched off–along ith an envelope. In the envelope is a letter from the guest, which I present vrbatim:

Dear M—,
You was right when you ask me about if anybody been in my room. I make my own investigation, and one of my sales rep take this TV. He also take the room key.
I bring this TV from his house. I also report King County Sheriff department about. They open the police case. I feel so sorry about him, about this situation.
Again, so sorry!
Sincerely, A—-

Nice! I love that he can’t just admit that he took it.

He did have nice penmanship, though.

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customer satisfaction is our goal

Posted in Uncategorized on February 13, 2010 by sarafist

117 called me last night, at about 11pm.

Schatzi: Front Desk, how can I help you?
117: Where’s the Taj Mahal?
Schatzi: … India.
117: Yeah, India, but what city? I’m doing a crossword.
Schatzi: Oh! Er, Agra?
117: How do you spell that?
Schatzi: A-G-R-A.
117: YES! THAT’S IT! YES! Thanks so much!
Schatzi: No problem.

It’s always nice to be so helpful.

Note: I’m no geography whiz; all credit for knowing the Taj Mahal is in Agra goes to Robert A. Heinlein’s The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. See, reading science fiction is good for you! And practical!

like flies to honey

Posted in Uncategorized on January 14, 2010 by sarafist

I guess PDX cops have been bored lately, because they’ve started a little something new here at the lol-iday inn. Granted, I’m sure it’s just an old trick, but it’s one we haven’t seen before. Basically, they’re responding to solicitation ads on Craigslist (you know, hookers), then they come in here and borrow a room for a few hours waiting for responses. When they get one, they haul them off and arrest them. They’ve been doing it about once or twice a week since Christmas.

Afterward, they come in and have a little chat, and usually they bring the pro so we can tell her how she’s not allowed back on our property. They younger ones are usually sullen and angry, but I can’t blame them and feel more than a little sorry for them. Last week, the pro was oooooold, in her sixties. They let her go with a citation, so I maybe the Portland PD feels a little sorry for them, too.

scene of the crime

Posted in bad things, co-workers, cops, criminals on October 17, 2009 by sarafist

I woke up to a text from Drihanna: “I need you to call me asap regarding police matter.”

Shit. I checked my call list, and she had called, but no one else had. So it probably wasn’t related to the robbery, or the detective would have called me first. What now?

When I called her, the first thing she asked was, “Did you notice anything sketchy about that Gina person you rented to last night?”

Other than the fact that she wanted two rooms, a Jacuzzi room and a standard room (135 and 215, respectively), no, and I told her so.

“Well, when the housekeepers went in to clean 215 this morning, they found blood. And a knife.”

“What the–? Lots of it?”

“The sheet had soaked places on it, big patches all over, and through to the mattress. There’s a gang of cops here now. Wallace said there were people in and out of here all last night; he was running ragged chasing them down. Some guy came in from 215, and was trying to look at the cameras to see what we could see.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah. Well, I gotta get that [phone]. See you in a minute.”

When I got to the lol-iday inn a little while later, there was only one cop left, and he was getting ready to leave. Drihanna filled me in on the details. The cops said the knife probably had little to do with the blood, since it was a bread knife. They also said that the blood patterns–great big soaking splotches all over the sheets and blanket, drips across the room, and fingerprints on the headboard–were consistent with female sexual assault, ie rape. And we apparently work with total idiots: The housekeeper for that section, despite Drihann’s telling her NOT to clean anything in the room or touch it, had the sheet soaking in bleach when the cops arrived to check everything out. And had scrubbed the mattress. Fucking A.

hang up and drive. or park. or drive. or park.

Posted in crazies, lolwut on October 4, 2009 by sarafist

I’ve been watching some guy drive through our parking lot for twenty minutes now.

He went through at that slow drift speed you get in an automatic when you’re not actually accelerating. Then he stopped and sat for a minute. Then he drove forward a few feet and stopped again. Then he reversed twenty-five feet and parked in a space for a minute and a half. He pulled out and drifted forward toward the exit, stopping every few feet. Just when I thought he was about to leave, he slowly reversed again and sat. Then he reversed farther and sat again. Then he pulled forward and sat, drifitng a few feet farther every two or three minutes. He is about six feet from the driveway now.

He’s been on his phone the whole fucking time.

If there were a little girl on a bicycle in the driveway, it’d be just like that drug PSA.

newsflash: it finally happened

Posted in bad things, criminals on August 21, 2009 by sarafist

The lol-iday inn got robbed last night, during my shift. I’m not really in a big hurry to write it all down, but I will have the incident posted for you soon.

your very original remarks, pt i: if only shirley jackson were here

Posted in about work, check-ins, peeves with tags , on August 8, 2009 by sarafist

I’m terribly sorry to break it to you, but this exchange

Schatzi: And if there’s anything [else] you need, just let me/us know!
Guest: How about the winning lottery numbers? Har har!
Schatzi, beaming as though joy had her by the throat: I’ll get right on that!/You’ll be the first to know, sir/ma’am!/Don’t I wish!

happens several times a week. Sometimes a few times a day. And it doesn”t get any funnier with repetition, I’m sorry to say.

When you have the opportunity to inflict an un-funny joke upon some poor customer service rep who has to act thrilled or be at risk of complaints about their surliness, restrain yourself, please. Don’t be That Guy; be the better person.