i’m not gonna lie . . .

One thing that frustrates us to no end is the way in which people blatantly lie and expect us to believe them. Mostly, people lie about the number of people in a room. Look, dudes, we know you’re coming here with your girl/boyfriend, so just pay up. You other dudes, we know you’re bringing in a prostitute, so just pay up. We don’t care, just so long as a) we get our money, and b) you don’t try to lie.

One person, really? What about that other person in your car? They’re not coming up to the room? Well, I hope you know I will watch you walk to your room, and the second I see that person walk through the door, I will call you and hassle you. And 99.9% of the time, you will be dumb enough to pick up the phone. And when I demand that your “visitor” come and check in with their ID, I will indeed call back repeatedly if they are not down here in the five minutes for which you asked. Oh yes, I will. I will continue until you pay. And in my human frailty, I will enjoy it, viewing this as my Holy Mission, my Crusade, and your punishment for lying to me.

So let me tell you again: I do not care what you are doing in your room—provided you are not damaging it. I do not care with whom you do things. As long as you check in all visitors and pay for the correct number of people in your room, I will not be bothered, and therefore I will have no cause to bother you. It’s very simple.

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6 Responses to “i’m not gonna lie . . .”

  1. How much extra is it for another person? What if the prostitute is just visiting for an hour and then leaving?

  2. Schatzi Says:

    30 minute visitor limit! If it’s a prostitute, they have to pay for a second person, because both people are using the room!

    Oh, and it’s $6.75 for the second adult, and $6 for each subsequent adult.

  3. Seems like you’re unfairly targeting the prossies customers. They could certainly get things done under the 30-minute limit and you’d still only have to clean the sheets once, so why charge extra?

    But, yeah, they should just pay the damn $6. If, for no other reason, than just to not have to deal with an irate desk clerk.

  4. Schatzi Says:

    Well, there are a few things in play here. One, we are obligated by both the City of Portland and the Police Dept to participate in a program targeting vice, hence the visitor limit and ID checks on all visitors.
    However, if a pro on our property pay for two, then we will not hassle them other than requiring ID from their visitors/clients. If a guy wants to bring a pro, that’s fine, as long as he pays for two.
    We rent by number of people, not simple occupancy, so not declaring someone who is effectively using the premises is in effect stealing from us. Since we do not rent by the hour, but rather by the night, this obligates a person to pay for the number of people using the room no matter the time period.

  5. Oooooh! I never thought of it as paying for use rather than occupancy. That’s reasonable.

    At work, We consider our product as information stored within a paper medium and what we charge for isn’t just the paper, but the ideas contained on it. It’s the only way to explain to someone why we cannot let them borrow one of our pens to write down something from a magazine and why standing and reading an entire magazine that they didn’t pay for is basically stealing from us (and the publisher and distribution companies, but we really only care about us).

  6. Schatzi Says:

    See, I would never do that to an independent retailer–though I have read entire books at B&N/Borders because I was too broke to buy 'em.

    And we're willing to give a considerable amount of leeway (largely because we don't want to be bothered) so long as people are straight with us.

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