some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don’t believe it

When someone calls the lol-iday inn Guest Relations Department to complain—as opposed to calling us directly—we receive a Guest Contact Report detailing the offence (real or imagined). They usually specify whether we’ll be fined for the issue and how we need to respond. We can contest fines; I’ll show you one of my appeals sometime.

This was too awesome not to share (it’s all as the CSR transcribed it, with my comments in brackets):

Gst sd last night he had the worst experience of his life.

Gst sd he was unloading his car and some woman had ran into his rm stating that some people have just robbed her.

Gst sd he pushed the door closed to ask what was going on.

Gst sd the next thing he knew he was trying to go back outside and some people were out arguing over crack cocaine.

Gst sd he ended up leaving his rm and leaving a bag running out from the prop.

Gst sd he tried to handle the situation last night, but was not getting any help with the situation.

Gst sd there was two black guys out on the prop and he knows it had something to do with the girl that came into his rm. [Schatzi: As we all know, only black people smoke crack and do crime.]

Gst sd he ended up staying at a comfort end [sic].

Gst sd this is the first time ever he has. [?]

The rm was filthy and he found a used syringe in the rm.

Gst sd he thinks it’s a junkies paradise.

Gst sd it is the filthiest and scariest [lol-iday inn] he has stayed at.

Gst sd there were prostitutes hanging out by the office.

Gst sd he did not get a refund and that is why he was trying to get ahold [sic] of them last night.

Gst sd there were people fighting right outside of his door due to a drug deal.

Gst sd he thought he was getting robbed.

Gst said he found the syringe behind the nightstand. [I often wonder why people are moving furniture around.]

Gst sd he didn’t even care about the bag he left he didn’t want to get killed or robbed.

Apol to gst/ver res in CRS. Sending gst serious or security letter, no comp. [Poor guy doesn’t get a free night’s stay.]

Sadly, this all went down on my night off. There is a note that the girl at the counter was polite, but not aware of things. I guess so!

(Entry title from “Stuart” by The Dead Milkmen.)

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