Archive for the Uncategorized Category

an exercise in denial

Posted in Uncategorized on February 13, 2010 by sarafist

Another TV was stolen about two weeks ago, while I was out of town. A Russian dude was in the back building (big no-no!) for a couple of days, and after he checked out, the flatscreen TV was missing. Gee, where DID it go? They checked the cameras, and sure enough, there’s footage of the guy carrying the TV out of his room and putting it in his Mercedes.

So my boss calls the guy, who gets all flustered and denies anyone taking the TV. When advised that we have footage of it being put in HIS car and will go to the police, he says he’ll look into the matter.

The next day, someone dropped off the TV–our name and phone number conveniently scratched off–along ith an envelope. In the envelope is a letter from the guest, which I present vrbatim:

Dear M—,
You was right when you ask me about if anybody been in my room. I make my own investigation, and one of my sales rep take this TV. He also take the room key.
I bring this TV from his house. I also report King County Sheriff department about. They open the police case. I feel so sorry about him, about this situation.
Again, so sorry!
Sincerely, A—-

Nice! I love that he can’t just admit that he took it.

He did have nice penmanship, though.


customer satisfaction is our goal

Posted in Uncategorized on February 13, 2010 by sarafist

117 called me last night, at about 11pm.

Schatzi: Front Desk, how can I help you?
117: Where’s the Taj Mahal?
Schatzi: … India.
117: Yeah, India, but what city? I’m doing a crossword.
Schatzi: Oh! Er, Agra?
117: How do you spell that?
Schatzi: A-G-R-A.
117: YES! THAT’S IT! YES! Thanks so much!
Schatzi: No problem.

It’s always nice to be so helpful.

Note: I’m no geography whiz; all credit for knowing the Taj Mahal is in Agra goes to Robert A. Heinlein’s The Moon is a Harsh Mistress. See, reading science fiction is good for you! And practical!

like flies to honey

Posted in Uncategorized on January 14, 2010 by sarafist

I guess PDX cops have been bored lately, because they’ve started a little something new here at the lol-iday inn. Granted, I’m sure it’s just an old trick, but it’s one we haven’t seen before. Basically, they’re responding to solicitation ads on Craigslist (you know, hookers), then they come in here and borrow a room for a few hours waiting for responses. When they get one, they haul them off and arrest them. They’ve been doing it about once or twice a week since Christmas.

Afterward, they come in and have a little chat, and usually they bring the pro so we can tell her how she’s not allowed back on our property. They younger ones are usually sullen and angry, but I can’t blame them and feel more than a little sorry for them. Last week, the pro was oooooold, in her sixties. They let her go with a citation, so I maybe the Portland PD feels a little sorry for them, too.

tis the season

Posted in Uncategorized on September 25, 2008 by sarafist

Now that we're not sold out every night of the week to pimps, hoz, and dealers, as well as vacationing familes, we've got more of another sort of guest: the agency guest. They are paid for usually by DHS (the Department of Human Services), the Red Cross, St Vincent de Paul, or sometimes by a few other groups out there. They are people who've been dispossessed due to the destruction of their home, either by nature or internal forces such as domestic violence, and they usually bring children with them.
Most times they come in during the week, in the midmorning or early afternoon, and they are sometimes driven by a caseworker. Occasionally, they will check in late on a Wednesday or Thursday night, sporting a fresh cast or shiner, and surrounded by a passel of kids. Those are the saddest, I think.

I saw a naked man and had to call 911 today.

Posted in Uncategorized on September 21, 2008 by sarafist
It's been a very quiet Sunday, no fuss, complaints, or problems. Then one of the housekeepers, Lupe, called to check on whether a few rooms were staying over or checking out since it was 1pm (checkout is at 11am), and there were still people in both rooms. I called 206 first, and they told me they were taking their stuff down to their car. Then I tried ringing 205; after twenty rings (I count), there was no answer. I tried hanging up for a minute, then calling back–I've found that this is an extremely annoying practice and almost guarantees an answer–but with no luck.
I went upstairs to tell Lupe, and she and I went to the room. She knocked. "Housekeeping!" Then again, "Housekeeping!"
Since there was no answer, she unlocked the door. There was a man lying on his back in one of the beds, not moving. I hate it when I open a room and there's someone sleeping in it; I feel embarrassed, and am sure that they are, too. However, when I knocked much more loudly on the door, and said, "Excuse me," I got no response.
Banging on the door now, I shouted, "EXCUSE ME! SIR! HELLO! EXCUSE ME!"
He moved his head and scratched his nose, but remained unconscious.
Cupping my hands around my mouth, I shouted as loud as I could: "HEY! WAKE UP! IT IS TIME TO LEAVE! YO!"
One of his legs twitched.
After a few more minutes of this, I took a deep breath and screamed. Now, when I scream, people hear it. According to my brother-in-law and many others, I am the loudest person on earth. I have been asked to quiet down at strip clubs and rock shows when I've let that piercing quality enter my voice, and when I really bust it out, it's audible at a distance. In short, I made an extremely loud sound.
And Sleeping Beauty didn't even move. A bit alarming.
I hesitated, then walked closer to the bed. One eye was half open, with only the white showing. Eww. I tried shouting at him again, but he just kept sleeping. By now, there were a few onlookers outside the door. I shooed them away, and walked back to the bed. I gingerly poked him, then shook him by the shoulder, something I am loathe to do since you never know how a person will react when woken up by strangers in a strange motel room. No response whatsoever.
So I called the cops and filled them in: I work at a motel, and when I went to check a room that was supposed to be checked out, I found an unconscious man. He's breathing and occasionally moving, but completely unresponsive. They told me they'd have an abulance and fire & rescue out immediately, and to call back if there were any changes.
I went and stood int he doorway, so I could keep an eye out for them and also keep an eye on Sleeping Beauty. I heard a siren and leaned out to look, and when I turned around to look at him again, his eyes were open.
"Dude, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I"m fine. What time is it?"
"It's 1pm. There's an ambulance coming."
"What? Why?"
"You wouldn't wake up. I've been shouting and shaking you. It's two hours past check out."
"I don't want them."
"Well, I need to see you up and moving around before I'll cancel the call."
He sat up and looked around. "What time is it?"
"1pm, dude."
I called 911 back. They had me ask if he was diabetic (no), and then said they'd call, but that the emergency folks might come out regardless. I told him this, and he stood up, apparently unaware of his nudity, andreplied, "I don't want them."
Shruggin, I told him, "I'll pass that along, but that's up to them," and left. As I exited the room, he put on a towel, and I noticed that the Fire & Rescue truck was already here. I booked it downstairs and filled them in, and they decided to try talking to him, but had no luck, as he wouldn't open the door and shouted that he was fine.
So, I thanked them for their time and got some water. All that screaming wrecks my throat.
About a half hour later he walked out on his own.

only the lonely

Posted in Uncategorized on September 20, 2008 by sarafist
It's been very quiet this past week. Business always falls off a bit after Labor Day when people stop traveling quite so much, but recent developments on 82nd Avenue have also contributed to the quiet.
I noticed it the week before last, when Kitty (an older regular who is a working girl) got a call while she was in the lobby having me reset her keys. She told me that it was her "boyfriend" (read: pimp), telling her there were several busts on 82nd, and not to go out til later.
Then the police started coming 'round more regularly. They've been in short supply here this summer; up until May or June, they were cruising our parking lot five or six times a night–and that just during my shift!–and coming in several times a night to get guest rosters and ask questions about people we may have seen.
I'm curious to see whether this is a lasting change or not. Until then, I've only got Barry Hunter to keep me busy.

trouble in Barrytown

Posted in Uncategorized on September 18, 2008 by sarafist
It may be coincidental, but ever since I spurned Barry Hunter's affections, he's been getting a bit out of hand. First he started coming into the office at all hours looking for me, sometimes four times in a shift. Fortunately, my co-workers were thoughtful enough to note these visits for me in the notebook. He also started going buckwild with his other eccentric habits: being up and about at all hours of the night, banging on doors, walls, and cars. following people to their rooms, propositioning women (fortunately, he seems to have the sense to restrain himself to propositioning hookers rather than our less unsavory clientele), wandering the property while looking completely nuts. At least once a night I get a phone call from someone reporting a strange old man on the property, and I have to reassure them that he's a harmless resident. (We hope he is.) He has also begun taking up with some interesting characters; women we believe he pays for their company. And they are very, very disturbing.
His burst of activity has also led to myriad notes in the logbook:
"Barry kept calling around 3am and asking if I was Adrien. I told him no and he said then who R U? I asked him what he needed and he said a girl in my room. He called like 3x in less than an hour saying the same thing."
"Barry left flowers at room 100 and was knocking on room 119."
"I don't know how it's possible, but Barry's being even more a pain in the ass, keeps music on full blast and has a crackhead int he room."
"Bad crackhead in Barry's room again, closed door at 3:30am. She is always naked and loud (and very gross)."
"Barry opening his door and slamming all night . . . annoying!"
"Barry's the worst he's every been, had to call the police."
"Barry calling room 100 . . . they were understanding."
"Barry now stands putside and laughs maniacally."
"Barry came in looking for Scahtzi and was disappointed to find me."
"Watch Barry. Some tweaker/prostitute and pimp were in his room going through his stuff. I made them leave."
"Keep an eye on Barry's room. That tweaker prostitute was hanging around him again (NOT GOOD). I told her she doesn't need to be on property when she's not a guest."
"Been chasing after Barry all night. Made him go to his room around 3:45am."
And my personal favorite: "Barry's on FIRE tonight!"